his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
