you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
