This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
