did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
