I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
