I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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