porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
