He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
