don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
