you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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