I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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