It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
