this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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