the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
please come you make the beer taste better
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
