"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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