jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm like, not good at living.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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