i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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