im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize