i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
