my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
