ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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