well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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