Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
