Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
