She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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