She is in my trunk
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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