Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
