I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is Oprah even human
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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