I feel great
I just peed on a car
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Found the puke drawer
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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