SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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