I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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