There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We have so much sex to catch up on
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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