lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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