We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We're too hungover to prance.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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