Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
