It's just like the Real World with babies
he was CRYING into my vagina
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
