Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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