I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He did a backflip because drugs
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