Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
