i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
