i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
