What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
