i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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