i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
