his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
