i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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