Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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