I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
