he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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