Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
