That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
