Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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