Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
