Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
