You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
