No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
