my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
