once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
3pm strippers are depressing
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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