Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
