Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
