Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
