Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize