He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize