I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
