saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize