Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize