Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
