My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
