somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
