she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
