the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
